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MY LITTLE PONY FEATURE ON PAGE 3 Monday, April 4, 1983 & ifrmyvUfa t/Jdaeïtiseï No. 0001 Price 3 bits Weekly BLANK US A FLANK JUDGES DISQUALIFY “LITTLE SPARKS IN DRAGON SHENANIGAN THE SAGGITARIUS SOCIETY OF ART. MUSIC AND CELLO CONCERT AT MAJESTIC LUNA HALL A concert by the Royal (antcrlot Piano anil Cello ensemble was belli in the Majestic Luna Hall in Canter-lot on Tuesday. The performance was noted av passionate and full of enthuuasum on the part of the performers. It was only spoiled by the antics of a pink partying pony. This pony, self-identified as Pinkie Pic. declared lhat ihc ponies needed to “par-lay“ and managed to cause quite a stir by interrupting the royal group’s performance Oct avia, the group's cellist, called her a “pox upon the good taste of music*’ as she continued play mg Neigfrthoofcn'x /•if/h HORN INJURY twenty-five year old Pokey Pierce of Randall Street. Ponyvillc. bruised his horn when he mistook a him ling ball for a balloon. LITERATURE announced their decision late last night to disqualify the winning entrant, filly Twilight (Little Sparks) Sparkle following thousands of angry letters and floor stompings after the reading of her epic poem “Blank as a Flank" at the Grand Galloping Gala last Monday night. The original panel of four judges hastily accepted the decision to rcovkc the prize based on the opinion of four leading filly psychologists that the young miss Sparkle wa* severely disturbed, and that her work was “a blasphemy to Goddess and Country.*9 The psychologists recommended that she should Ik* submitted to proactisc psychotherapy immediately. The prize was reassigned to little Lily Bloom for her essay on Equestrian philosophy called "Celesiia Save All The Little Fillies." cits for mans scars The esent The Literary Competition, which was for fillies and colts aged seven to sixteen, ssas sponsored by leading Equestrian newspapers and received thousands of entries from schools all oscr Equestria Ms. Candy Mane, the principal of Cantcrlot Elementary School said Twilight, nicknamed “Lillie Sparks ” by her English Teacher because of her songwriting ability, was scholastically advanced for her age. Nevertheless. she fell prey to overly obscure and verbose passages which led to low popularity amongst her peers She went on to remark lhat Twilight Sparkle had a great future academically and that her progress was unsurpassed in the history of Canterfot Elementary Twilight and her parents arc natives of Cantcrlot. having lived in the which prompted the reassignment of the pfi/e was not a complete loss for the Sparkle family The bizarre events which proceeded after the reading of ihc ly rics were a deciding factor in the reassignment as well The words contained so much power lhat the lest subject, one dragon egg. exploded and rendered an othervv isc baby dragon into a giant monstrosity If not for the timely arrival of Princess Celesiia. who managed to put a stop to the unicorn magic, there is no telling what could have transpired "I was very concerned, because I was momentarily turned into a potted plant.” said Mr Sparkle ‘Twilight is a very special filly, very creative and talented, and we want to see her succeed at what she docs His wife, Mrs Sparkle, brushed the events off I UO*vkí to I»*! ««it Or»t <MfcfNfv¿ Osb tfc-u * Uw M «Kitic ton» Hall. h#td in lb* tonor offer er%*»i Pihkvm CVloMu t* ih. SâjfcpUriw $ocwt> of Ail 1 «krtfuu prvwalinc fe* \u»il of Lyvk’s I'rom kft lorighl Ixrd Imi V BnlKt Mr Xparik. Mrx SpfttlW. Tuili^hl Spift.k. lkn> fonJi. »r«JCo1s»tef IfeihgM Ihxi fe'virtu*« IviK* *illf) “I’ve had my bfushes with creative magic, and we’re not disappointed by this outcome The invitation to Celesiia $ school for gifted unicorns is good enough for us.” Princess Celesiia herself didn't have much of a comment on the issue “I run this show to find the most magical and creative of ponies, and Twilight Sparkle fits so well with what I want to do that I can ignore Ihc small catastrophe that her little poem almost caused ” On the subject of Monk as a Hank as a work of K ricism and poetry, many ponies found it to be overly complicated in form and verbose in its lyrics The subject matter of finding one’s cutic mark was deemed overly dramatic and wav told to “get over herself, as we all eventually find our cutic marks ” (Continued on page 6. col 3) kefkafloyd dcviantart.com
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